I had the constant urge of going back and forth on our weighing scale and checking out how much i gained for the past few weeks. Sadly speaking, i gained 4 kilograms and i’m now back to 84 kilograms from 80.
From then on, i kept remembering all the days back when i was really fat like back when i was on the 100kilogram scale. I kept remember all those embarrassing moments i had because i’m was super fat. I’m not saying being really fat is bad or whatever, its just that i did not handle myself well back then so i felt like shit most of the time.
i remember back then when we were in Baguio and we tried horseback riding the first time. Everyone was really happy because their horses were moving going in circles around the park while i was stuck at the side where the horses were because my horse wouldn’t stand up. The kutchero said the horse doesn’t want to move because i was too heavy for it. Self esteem dove thousands of depth after that guy said that. Afterwards, i never wanted to ride horses again thinking it won’t budge because i’m too heavy.
another experience was when we were in Bora back in Dec. 2008. Since its bora, everyone was on their best swim wear flaunting their perfect bodies while i had my shirt on even at the beach. i had to hide those fats. I was too afraid that people might stare because I’m too fat to be in Bora. That’s why i never like the beach or swimming pools because i’m afraid of eyes staring at me and laughing inside their heads. Even with friends. As much as possible, if they plan on something the involves bodies of water, i decline the invitation.
I have lots and lots of experience back then. Few that I don’t want to remember and a few more that i would just laugh at thinking about it. But my perception of beaches and swimming pools will always remain.
I am still not thin, not fit, no muscles, no perfect body and I am still fat. But i’m really proud to say that I lost weight and maintained.
I promised myself that once I graduate i will work on the body i’ve always wanted and never again be taunted by anyone even a horse and i’ll be proud to flaunt it to everybody and say “IN YOUR FACE” to those who said i could not do it and to those that rejected me because i was too fat to be their someone special!
here’s a little slide show of my previous pictures
back when i was really really fat!