The title of this article is oozing with big, big sarcasm!
I’ll put in here the 5 stages of grieving according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ; I’m not yet sure though if I could ever reach that last stage.
For those not familiar or have forgotten the 5 stages of grieving, let me enumerate them for you.
People go through these stages when something tragic has happened in their lives. I consider gaining weight a tragic moment in my life because I’ve worked hard (before) to loose the extra lbs I had. And they’re back almost full force.
To give you a little background on me. I’m never a fat boy. Yes. I’m not. I only started gaining weight and getting big back in 5th grade when my mom had this restaurant. Since my mom own the restaurant, we’re free to eat anything. And the idea of free food was overwhelming that I just ate everything I can in one day and then do that again on the succeeding days. When I went to the city for high school, I didn’t have my family with me. It was one of the loneliest years of my life. I turned to food for comfort. I only find comfort through food to mask the sadness and the missing of my family. By junior high through my 3rd year in college, I was morbidly obese weighing 220lbs.
I stopped school for a year and my life was blessed with food. I still kept eating. Dieting was never on my mind, but I was always thinking what it would be like to be fit. But then I try to shove it off my mind because I’ve always thought there’s no chance for me to shed off the extra lbs and i’ll just add up more to it. Until, I went back to school. There I found out that a guy, fatter than me before, was now really fit, changing fats to muscles, belly to abs and so on and so forth. Girls were all over him now that he shed the excess baggage. From then on, he never went back. He became my inspiration. He became my idea that there will always be a chance for someone like me to change my life for the better. That I could lose the excess weight and be fit just like him.
So I enrolled myself to the gym, worked my ass off. Cut off on my food intake. Jesus! It was the hardest thing to do in life. Giving up the best parts of eating. The sugar, the carbohydrates, the fat. For 2 years, I was able not to drink sodas and it helped a lot. It wasn’t easy but it helped a lot. I shed a lot of pounds from 220 down to 180 to 175. I usually had my weight dancing around 175 and 180.
I got praises from my friends and some of my family (the others were “worried” that I was abusing myself), but there was something really missing. In the long run, I got sick with all the dieting so I stopped controlling my food intake but continued to exercise (but didn’t re-enroll at the gym). I run almost everyday and lift weights at home.
Until recently. When review started, all I could think of was food, food, food and more food. Until I got depressed, had cravings, gained weight. And viola! Goodbye 180lbs and hello 200lbs!!!
I just can’t believe I gained back almost all the weight I lost. This is unacceptable. I have good metabolism. I eat and then I pooped it after. Sometimes, I even forcibly vomit the food, why the hell did I still gain weight?!
This is shit! I shouldn’t have eaten those desserts, those pasta, those carbs, those extra sugar! I’m pissed off when I saw the scale measuring 200lbs! Its really outrageous! The world is being stupid. The weighing scale is stupid!
This can’t be. I will definitely go back to the gym just to shed the freakin’ weight. I will stop eating. I will control again. I will put a sign on my door saying, “YOU’RE A JERK! YOU WEIGH 200lbs NOW! STOP EATING!” From now on, I will only live with water and crackers. I will take laxatives if I have to.
I’m hopeless. I will always be big no matter what I do. Food is just too tempting to avoid. (In nursing, a depressed client can only say a few words or phrases because they’re too sad to talk.)
Well, I guess I just have to accept that fact that I gained back the weight. All I have to do is do something about it. I promised myself that I will re-enroll to a gym once I’m done with all the stress in my life. But I won’t wait that long. For compensation, I will run again every morning and will join fun runs. I will try to regain that guilt I used to have so that I can eat less when guilty. I should always remember not to binge and control the urges and the cravings for food that slowly but definitely will add up to my weight.
Hahahaha! I feel stupid writing this article but yeah. I guess there’s lesson in this. I should’ve controlled my eating habit. Its not easy, but I have to think that its for the better. Its not for everybody else. Its for me. I should be healthy to live longer. I should be conscious about diabetes, hypertension, bad liver, and other negative stuff that comes with obesity.